Sexual Healing through painting
This blog article is probably a very strong one for my first one on here, but it feel so right to do so, by the power of it and also by the fact that we are in the age of the Divine Feminine which strongly came through on writing.
I haven’t painted about a specific issue for a very long time, even longer journaling about it, which is strange as this is what I teach in my facilitator’s course, but today’s seemed different, important; knew I had to paint through and release something deep in order to help me understand. What came through had me in tears, I didn’t realise how deep the wound was, or how big. It also seemed significant in the light of the forthcoming solar eclipse Ring of Fire and the Goddess Sekhmet. So, this blog is a journey through this painting and the pain released.
It is also a great representation of the power of Intuartiv Expression.
Last night something small occurred , that had it happened at any other time it would not have had the effect it had on me last night, in fact it would probably have had the opposite.
My partner and I, as Twin Flames have been, as part of our journey, releasing triggers and blocks, including sexual ones. As TF (one soul, two bodies), our journey back to pure unconditional love involves releases ALL of our traumas from all lives. Last night was one of those moments.
My partner woke me in the night, and proceeded to caress me sexually, much to my enjoyment, at one moment as I was beginning to get really aroused, he stopped to blow his nose and have a drink of water. And that was the end of the caress, which left me a little perplexed. If this had happened at any other time, I probably wouldn’t have minded, seeing it as a way to keep the sexual energy, or just enjoy the moment without the desire to go further. This time however it was different. We had previously over several months released sexual blocks from my partner, and I noticed that, over the last weeks I was now being blocked from having orgasm or pleasure. Either something would happen to interrupt the intimate moment, or I wouldn’t reach orgasm (something that had never been easy for me in the past). It had seemed a quite a time since I had had the pleasure of climaxing and had said to my partner a few days before “I think it’s my time for releasing sexual blocks and trauma”. When he had stopped caressing me, it unexpectantly brought up feelings from the past, of men getting bored/impatient waiting for me to climax. Steve isn’t this person, quite the opposite, in fact, however it triggered the past memories, including my first sexual encounters.
I remember two distinct occasions around the ages of about 20 where the 2 separate encounters at that time (too short lived to be called boyfriends ) were caressing themselves and expecting me to do the same, and saying, “Are you there yet?”, (talk about pressure!), their moment to climax dependant on me climaxing by myself. I was incredibly naïve sexually at this age (my first intercourse was with my ex-husband at the age of 21) and the possibility of me climaxing by masturbation whilst there was a boyfriend there was just unknown to me. These two moments led to a life of putting my partner’s pleasures before my own, including 25 years of faking orgasm with my ex-husband, to endless other relationships and encounters post-divorce being used for the pleasure of men and pleasing them and their desires rather than my own. My own pleasure didn’t count and if I took time to have an orgasm, my thoughts were always the same “men would surely get bored waiting for me” so I would just forego any idea of climaxing for myself. Crazy when toy think that the average time it takes a girl to climax is 20 minutes ). I gave away ALL my power. Last night I knew my partner definitely had NOT stopped because he was bored or impatient but simply because it was a moment to caress me in itself without an end ( it was 4am!) in mind. But it triggered a whole release for me emotionally.
Today I decided to paint and journal the pain out and I was shocked to what was revealed. It also confirmed to me how powerful the Doterra Essential oils are in the process, and their connection to emotions and how tying it all together though the painting and journaling creates incredible release as well as understand what is going on.
With the method of IntuARTiv Expression, all oils are chosen intuitively. As my oils are arranged (very OCD lol) in flower, tree, herbs oils, it is difficult for me to choose with my eyes closed as I know the positions of the oils. Instead I had put little stickers with the names of oils on to bingo chips, and put them in a tray. I close my eyes and choose a chip for the oil.
Then, oils are added to the paint and I paint in layers. Each layer being like a new canvas, drying and journaling in between. The emotions of the oils are taken from the book Essential Emotions, available here ( and receive 10 % off with the coupon code “intuartivexpression”). All Essential oils are from Doterra available by clicking here
Paints and paper ideas can be found here
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Before painting
I sat down and connected to the feeling I was having and the situation that had occurred and which I wanted to release. These phrases came to mind:
Releasing sexual trauma
Giving my power away
Feeling a failure sexually
Their pleasure before mine
I then began the painting process. Below is the process step by step.
Layer 1
I intuitively chose colours to paint: Red, pink and turquoise, and the oil of Wintergreen.
I painted a vagina in red and pink then black, with turquoise lines coming out of it, then on the right side a happy turquoise face and on the left a sad pink one.
I needed to paint black inside the vagina, it felt dirty and dark. Obviously, the faces represented sad feminine and happy masculine. 12 crosses. No idea why 12 as I have had more partners than that. I didn’t like the smell of Wintergreen surprisingly, it felt pungent, like petrol, and sickly. Wintergreen: Oil of surrender, let go and be free of the negativity and pain one holds on to. A good place to start the process of letting go.
Layer 2
Turquoise and orange, oils of tangerine and cassia.
I started to paint around the image with my fingers and then suddenly went mad, I wanted to hit the paper, so much anger came out and pain. I smudged the whole lot into a muddy mess, wanting to erase my vagina. I wanted to hit the paper. I pressed down hard, wanting my vagina to disappear. I hated it, the source of all problems. The place of battle between men and women. Men wanting to dominate the vagina for their pleasure, the place my partner almost feels scared to go as it brings up his own fears and blocks. Vaginas create problems, periods that stand in the way of pleasure, cursed, blamed for bad moods. Men fed up with women for their mood swings due to their monthlies that they daren’t even talk about. Vaginas are dirty, smelly, complicated. They’re prodded by doctors, stretched at childbirth. They’re hidden below, I can’t even see mine without a mirror or a photo. The place of conflict between power of the masculine and feminine. I hated this vagina on my paper. This dark, complicated place.
Tangerine the oil of creation and spontaneity. Stifled creativity. Over responsible and overburdened.
Cassia the oil of self-assurance. Emotions of embarrassment, hiding, fearful, humiliated, judged, worthless. Supports the soul in seeing innate gifts, value, and potential.
The vagina is the source of creation of life, yet it burdens me. I have been humiliated and judged sexually. It took away my worth as I gave away my feminine power to the pleasure of men. My vagina is a gift t the world. Without it no birth, no humanity.
Layer 3
White, lavender oil
Gold and black pepper oil
I started to paint a kind of vortex in white and then the vagina came back in pink and gold. The white felt healing. I wanted to decorate my vagina in jewels, make it pretty. How had I learnt to HATE my vagina? That it’s a horrid place?
The same of conflict over pleasure. Masculine over feminine. How can I hate this part of me so feminine? Repressed feminine. Fear of my female sexuality. Repressed sexual power of woman. If I turn this image it looks like an eye
The eye that judges me. Men have an opinion of my body. Their opinion determines how I feel about my body. Fat, thin, beautiful, ugly, sexual, sensual, I see my boy through the eyes of men. I have never learnt to love my body and its curves for me, always through what society says, men say. 25 years with a partner who said, ‘if I gain more weight, he won’t marry me”, who told me to hold in my stomach during sex, who said I would look better if I lost my stomach, 25 years of being judged for having a fat stomach.
Then I realise that my left leg has been feeling numb for a few weeks. Left is feminine. The legs represent our relationship with the outside world. My feminine energy had been numbed by the outside world.
My left arm also gets tingles and numbness. The right is masculine, and the arms connected to love. It feels like I have numbed out pain connected to the masculine love.
Layer 4
White and Turmeric oil
I wanted to heal my vagina, to start afresh. I painted all over in white which turned pink.
I dropped a drop of Turmeric oil onto the pink ( instead of putting it in the paint prior to painting), and began to give Reiki to the hidden vagina, I started to massage the pain with the turmeric il and paint. A womb like figure appeared. Rebirth.
Turmeric oil of restoration.
Turmeric repairs individuals mentally, physically, and emotionally. Powerful properties that reach into damage or blocked aspects of the self to restore what has been lost. Restores one’s faith in goodness. Turmeric also assists against judgment prejudice. Emotions of damaged, abused, oppressed, paralysed, betrayed.
Such a fitting oil that was chosen intuitively to heal and restore this sexual pain. I love the smell which feels comforting.
Layer 5
White, purple, and pink colours chosen.
Oil of Fennel
Sandalwood ( though bottle empty, smelled it only)
The vagina is sacred. The place of creation. Feminine, Healing the feminine. In the painting it feels like there are so many women looking towards the centre. Divine worship through the vagina, the seat of the feminine energy and divine feminine. The sexual act is sacred, the combining of divine masculine and feminine. It has been abused as a purely sexual act for pleasure, people searching for this divine connection, which truly exists within twin flames.
Fennel oil of responsibility. Weakened sense of self. Ignites passion for life. Fennel encourages to live in integrity with oneself despite the judgments of others. When they have been paralyzed by fear and shame this oil gets them moving again. Fennel establishes a strong connection the body and the self when there has been a separation. Emotions of shame, weak sense of self.
Sandalwood Sacred devotion. It teaches reverence for Deity. Prepare the spirt for communion with God. Humility, devotion, and love for the divine.
Return to the divine feminine.
This was an incredibly powerful moment for me, and I feel it was also a healing for women in general, not just me. I was shocked by the hate that came out of this painting at first and continued to cry in the memory of me trying to rid it off my paper, but now soothed by the healing, and the desire to decorate with jewels metaphorically. If you would like to know more about this healing method, pop over to: